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| What am I afraid of?
If I were to tell you the truth, you would probably not believe me (and would laugh in an inconsiderate fashion). So, I will do my best to explain to you why 'Christmas Trees' scare me to death.
Now, you may assume that this is because I am from Nebraska and am simply not used to seeing trees (regardless of the fact that we started the much dreaded "arbor day"). That may be part of it. However, I rarely get scared unless the tree is inside. I rarely get petrified except when it gets all "dressed up". I never get panic attacks . . . unless there are presents under the tree.
Perhaps it was due to the stories I heard as a youngster of trees coming alive and attacking people (see also: Ents). What makes it worse is the fact that, much like the Trojan Horse of ancient Greece, we bring them into our homes. We let down our guard in the coldest of seasons. Then, when we are most vulnerable, we seem to be asking to be removed from our homes, trapped IN our own homes, or worse.
*screams*
Next the eyes. Don't get me wrong, I like 'light'. In fact, I could not write the (legibly) without the use of lights. However, if there is a scary monster in my home, I would much rather it be blind. Wouldn't you? Nevertheless, we see each of these trees layered with colorful eyes that not only watch our every move but also, along with the ribbons and bows, finds a way to hypnotize us. Thankfully, some have learned of this treachery and placed bells on said trees. This is probably done in order to detect movement (or as an homage to the movie "it's a wonderful life", but that is doubtful) as it is the only logical reason. Finally, someone got something right when dealing with these menaces.
The presents are probably the scariest part. Think about it, they provide a perfect cover for the tree's misdeeds. They can hide weapons, detached body parts, and more. Worst of all, people seem to be 'excited' about seeing more and more under the tree when, in fact, they should count their blessings that they are still alive. Can you believe it? I mean, Every time I see presents start to pile up, I double check the three deadbolt locks on my bedroom door and window (yes, I have three on each). Then I purchase a few extra bells, just in case. This is the only way to truly survive.
Perhaps, as my friends tell me, I am afraid of something ridiculous. My only reply is this: "I don't care if you think I'm crazy. It has kept me alive. I would rather be alive and thought of as crazy than be dead and thought to have been sane."
-Christopher
Ps. To all those wondering, I am not afraid of Christmas Trees.
*bells ring*
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!
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| Now, upon reading the title, you could probably assume that I'm going to be talking about heat, fire, ice, temperature, drawings, cartoons, and possibly even human history.
Sadly, you would be wrong (for the most part).
Some people see these as stupid questions. I moreof refer to them as 'duh' questions. Think about it. You know the answer primarily thanks to logic and simple reasoning. Yet you also do not want to insult the asker (usually) but also do not want to raise more questions from your response. In essence, you probably should not say one of the following:
"because fire is read and ice is blue, idiot." (insulting)
"It is easier that way." (more questions)
"because beef (red) is best when hot and water (blue) is best when cold, duh" (misleading)
Yet, one of the things I have noticed about duh question is that there is often a deeper question behind them. Perhaps this may be based on my belief that there is a reason for every question asked. Regardless, if you think about these questions, some serious (not-so-duh) questions can be formed, such as:
"Why do we simplify temperatures into colors? Why did we choose these two and only these two colors?"
"What does the simplification say about our educational system? Do we as a culture simplify too much?"
"Blue can also describe a temperature that is even warmer than 'red'. Why is it still 'cold'?"
I guess that my point is, while "duh" questions may lead to sarcasm or cynicism, they may have a deeper purpose. This purpose should sometimes be explored from time to time as it can totally revamp your way of thinking, if you let it.
-Chris | | |
| If life is what happens when you are busy doing something else, death is what happens when you are doing nothing.
They never thought that this would happen. All projections had shown that their business would survive, but against all expectations, Jamestown Mortuary closed its doors for good. The family business was started in May of 1943 and, since its conception, has specialized in hand-made coffins and urns, and personally filling them with the recently deceased (in skeletal or cremated form, respectively). Erica Lang, the CEO of the locally grown company had this to say when asked about the unexpected downfall of the company, "I seriously thought our sales would increase due to the slumping economy. However, people have become more resourceful. They have become less likely to purchase our top-end merchandise. I have even seen people use refrigerator boxes and gas cans to store their dead relatives. Others have even resorted to stealing." Yes, stealing. According to a local detective, the going rate for coffins and urns has increased dramatically over the past five years. Plus, even with advanced security measures intended to tighten the lid on these thefts, the rate has remained steady.
This climate has left Jamestown Mortuary gasping for air. The business that was once buzzing with customers has closed its doors for good and each of the employees is now looking for new employment. John Hughes, the city's mayor, stated that he would do all the he could to help the former employees of the Jamestown Mortuary find new employment. Yet, the former employees do not seem to be relieved by the mention of this news. In fact, one of the former employees of the mortuary scoffed when I mentioned Mayor Hughes' promise, by adding "at a fast food chain, probably." The employee went on to tell me that Mayor Hughes had previously promised the Mortuary that the thefts would be stopped. Regardless of whether his statement is true, the building (and associated lands) will remain a cautionary tale of the devastating power of a slumping economy. For, if a mortuary can be a victim of such a force no company is safe. Some, however, think of this as a form of progress. In the words of an economics professor at the local university, "this town simply found a way to cut out the middle man and should be congratulated. Death will occur, especially during hard times, but how much do you value the services and products added by your local mortuary and what lengths will you go to in order to acquire them?" Sadly, Jamestown Mortuary discovered the answers to these questions too late.
-Chris | | |
| ... and naturally I am not writing anything similar to said paper right now.
*heavy footsteps* . . . *creak* . . . *lighter footsteps*
*click* . . . pause . . . *static*
"Did I remember to pay the cable bill? Of course I did. I had to. I pay it every month on the 17th. But there's no TV. There is nothing resembling video entertainment in a form that allows selection with a simple push of a button (yes, I know that was redundant). Perhaps if I..."
*static continuing* . . . *multiple clicks increasing in volume and frequency and then slowing down quickly* . . . *clatter* . . . *mumbles* *click* . . . pause . . . *static stops*
"ok, that did not work (sadly, it rarely does). Maybe I did not pay the bill. Maybe it got lost in the mail. I know I should have paid it online. My friends had been telling me that paying bills online is more efficient. Maybe I should have taken their suggestions."
*click* . . . *buzzzzzzzz* ...
"Good thing the light still works. At least one thing works around here. Perhaps a movie. I have my dvds in a case somewhere around here. Ahha! There it is!"
*footsteps* . . .*zipppppppp* . . . *flip . flip . flip* . . . *grumble*
"This is not mine. Where are all of the good movies? There is no way I want to watch Princess Diaries 2. I am not that desperate."
*flip . flip . flip* . . . *zipppppppp*
"I think I should just try to get some sleep."
*click* .. *bzzzzzzzz dies* . . . *light footsteps* . . . *bump*
"OUCH!!! What in the world of sports!?!?.... (muffled 'oops')"
*heart pounding* . . . *light footsteps* . . . *creak* . . .
"mmmmmm, perhaps I can sleep now."
... or maybe not.
-Chris | | |
| Being ___ is difficult.
Think about it. What is the one thing that you hate most about yourself? What is it that keeps you up late into the night and depresses you just by thinking about it? You see the downsides (all of them and even some that don't, in reality, exist) and you say to yourself "this sucks".
You're right, it does suck. Your situation is rotten. Sure, others have had similar problems. Others have triumphed, others have failed. Others have accepted it, others have changed themselves, and others have completely given up. But this is not about anybody else, this is about you and your predicament. As far as you are concerned, nobody else is struggling as much as you. While those who know what you are dealing with point out the positive aspects of your situation, you see that the things they mention are either going to come crashing down around you later or are really not as positive as they sound.
If only they knew what you were going through. If only they did not flaunt their happiness with that portion of their life. Then, maybe, you could make it through. You could move on and face the next big crisis.
Though, you know what really gets to you? What really gets to you is those people who seem to find joy in each predicament. You see them and your mind quickly goes to one of two main thoughts (and sometimes both):
1. You feel like they are hiding something. They have to hide stuff like that.
2. You want to have what they have.
Now, I'm not going to get preachy here. I struggle with these things as much as the next guy. I just want you to think about it.
In conclusion, "To live is to be and being is difficult."
-Chris | | |
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